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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a. `4 K1 W* M6 `0 A2 Y

) H( T* F) V4 O5 R  bike and asked for forgiveness.; }% P1 O' U6 b& [
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一$ L- l& D2 ^1 X; U

/ f0 N- G+ ]8 ^! q& ^( Y  辆然后求上帝宽恕。1 t$ H! s) w8 C, ?) W
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a) [3 X. H/ F; O* J' a  u! a% @

$ z  V' h$ L8 f; l  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.% B5 Q) I/ P. B+ [

/ J5 V2 v9 Y2 T! L! i  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一, i. M( C" N2 E& C9 E

5 b( g+ f1 g: l0 u' ?  样死法啊!! }" _! M! R1 f
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you' J# B" {7 d5 j& `) H" o; i/ c

3 G+ ~( U& K2 S1 x# s  with experience.7 `6 _3 C* }) O% R- v
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你# f5 B( x; ~9 u8 C

/ {/ h" c: J4 l2 {3 C  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.5 \) y; T4 d- j+ O' w& ^$ A
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。8 z7 H7 i  q2 Y/ P1 W

& Q, E: i0 W1 V" R: t  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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6 D* R$ g* g5 j4 G  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。+ d' l' a$ Q7 Y% E3 n# G
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.9 q5 d" r; W5 c1 e" A/ w" s; Q* d

+ J% h' T8 B+ u0 P! V5 A1 }  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。% {3 V# E/ S9 S. i+ j" O+ P6 H6 b
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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1 L" X- y) G. M  n5 g  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd( ]9 o5 W5 _5 C4 }6 E

# u0 U& J, v) X% a$ U# x  better have a good hand.- L- N$ J: V: r7 m1 a8 z
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。# r. K4 |5 `8 Z8 G8 b1 @

4 z' x/ t9 w2 j; D  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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8 H  H5 W# O: F( ~4 T: j  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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; X+ g1 w0 z, k4 `  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去/ u2 P& w7 }, [) z7 z9 @
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  还是很有喜感。
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# {* u8 u! n* d! b8 }. Q% N: o  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan8 T5 h4 N2 ~, [, v1 }2 g
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏/ H7 V" }: _9 a" |' X. F( n+ }1 w' g
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  了!!
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.# ^- _& a! C; j" A' H' Z( r

* R' V) d6 \  z% E# x) p1 k  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。5 A4 w; r& y+ B! P

+ N* Z+ }7 A8 n  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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2 q3 @0 G6 _/ i) B3 u  .
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2 x$ D7 K+ \, `& ]2 J! U  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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" s7 a3 {5 I9 M2 \( ]  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。9 g0 t' h" E' h! V8 P

& ~4 p7 F$ S3 i. j" C; P( X, G, X/ S# ?8 k  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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( N9 y6 E( V% V3 b3 Y) n  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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- b; a# e2 x9 _! x0 z, F  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  il you hear them speak.
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0 E. V! p, x& R0 P  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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3 v  l+ z* C7 R3 U# t  K& X  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.( G4 G" ]( ]' F5 Q

& v, k/ E$ n, C; m  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。+ S0 k% q) E' w/ n& `
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment+ U6 m" n" h8 b2 \

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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""3 u" P# l! c" l. s2 ^+ q# ^
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.% V5 A3 j+ J& T3 d

8 [9 n7 O3 l% _+ B2 }  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案..., }. m+ s" q- |5 c2 X5 X! Y

# a( G% u$ e7 ?+ X2 }  K2 O* E2 k0 D1 E  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't." N7 R  ^8 q/ g
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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, b. g6 H" F/ m3 Z* A0 ~  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?
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4 c# T! s4 M2 c8 l9 F+ g' H" ~+ F0 L  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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3 q4 C! Y4 ]; p+ R4 I  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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" T3 e  X+ h3 K* z2 j  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy8 ^  b# |$ d$ Z/ S
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  s it?
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: F: K7 H# w2 h1 V. U  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr1 k8 y: q; i2 g/ m/ Y: z' X
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  uit salad.- }1 y' [8 \% r2 w

, h6 C( j$ J, M$ `1 @1 c7 D  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。0 Y: F/ x& E: y. I  P

: L6 K- E. B' U# p2 d5 T  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个6 `( R: R+ M: Z. D
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  篮子。
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"% n. a1 W" X! q/ ]* D  `6 ?
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.. T2 A5 w. l# }% n
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!4 @  E5 t0 {+ f, o2 V" n
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the5 b  s1 P$ N" ]6 Q

# Y8 k& E# ^" k  V. p" v# X/ x" v  @  same night.; G3 L* _- d0 ~% ?& X

# f8 u- J8 W  ?. `  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。" E# W3 F! A& B+ d" j
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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% `( Q# P3 Y/ u$ X: I' z5 O  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station... O. F; o; Q; S; N, I

9 h3 {# m1 C, y9 k* O" R  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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6 J1 D( \: A( U  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.: _, f+ i0 W% B

! G( A4 c0 w  A! ~  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。  S% [. W( \  a4 r

# L1 U$ U& [# D/ [/ N6 f- G: ^  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv9 ?& }$ Z6 n9 v- f

% O/ `) x4 ^% e' A  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the' J% w5 a. C; r

2 K- ~# i# R, r# e% f  m fish?
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4 F! ^* _. U( ]' o2 l& W  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。
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, C1 y! R4 h' _( ?* q5 E# R6 n  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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: M+ O, s/ s: f  E6 E4 ~' f% F) V  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!2 K; q1 X1 t1 l  H8 I4 E

0 Q) [( d3 T6 e3 j2 l  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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: h; e: {" i( S0 i  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan1 K7 c# n! B1 B" ?9 j( a

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  d- X  V5 K5 [  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”) f4 u2 W7 `' H, }
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.
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/ Y/ K. W% \1 Z+ n* O6 o: z  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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+ n' p( f9 z9 [5 B- ]; b  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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2 O; R9 j9 e% t- g  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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) S  ^/ x. N8 l0 t0 m  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?4 V( x6 ^9 p5 e4 N

# Q$ s* n7 m+ q. T: t0 n; e  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al# U1 g) \+ R2 W# E+ G# T$ L
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  l doubt.
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% m% y8 [! o+ z  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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: J& \6 [7 G; {% S+ }$ U  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。& h! t/ {2 ~* u3 Y

% K' p0 P# z/ F  _  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'5 x. n) G% V# G
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  t need it.# o6 D% w, G1 b
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方1 J! d7 G0 r9 M! z7 z* ^7 w* u! i

$ ?& m. {% s+ v+ z  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does./ S0 U* {% L/ n+ g" e( ?

6 w$ K  g5 x: P+ j% j& W  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!2 X4 y. o3 c( p# M2 |- G  O. {

# K. m5 v0 U, q- n% K( a  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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, Y( w7 n* t5 q+ X3 D: M6 n2 D: j  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.% H' v& z, \2 w6 f. s2 H# O9 h

# o2 F) s( K  k+ q2 J  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?/ }8 f6 y5 }6 B! z. z
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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0 O) w% c4 `# y4 B8 b: ^: S, v: r  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught." e  ?6 v( s6 y

4 r& k, l: O  n# q  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装: Q8 G: k0 J- Q, }: ^& X

: ]( B  s" d. P  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.( Q, `" D6 E. g' X
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with) z- x" e8 x. y8 s% `0 C

' ?1 [3 }+ h. m' ]# X  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.! K5 c7 ^  Y0 S

/ f, {1 z6 f! E3 \1 P4 |. L5 X1 U  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等; g1 e% n2 @6 V. J
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2 x, T0 ^+ `. q  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.. z7 d2 t* `5 I: S- j% f+ Y; y
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。* A& F" P& V& d; v9 w: c! }

1 s: n: `( ^% r$ z  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi7 P; `' F  ^, q; D

7 E+ I3 ?8 ]! f/ |. [  rls live.
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. ^/ F6 ~' U- w" \9 |$ v" O  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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4 d3 r3 V6 ?2 l( f' H; m  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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- r, z; |( ]# ^! }9 e  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.7 j3 I( b  [8 }- d$ [& F
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a* b, Z5 \  Z  T4 u% Y/ p$ x

, D4 ?: d% ^! N& {+ o1 i  o2 w  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.2 r0 Q% p6 f* Y1 e# i' e% h; [

# h( ~+ y+ Y, |  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
$ W8 J4 ^2 ^. _6 l& S) \" K$ s- Y* E4 s$ f3 {* D0 K
  叫声是一样滴。4 j' _) K/ F6 r+ X. L" h" r- d
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
: E2 z' a* J' r$ l2 M' j6 Q" Q) X) X
+ G' E3 a/ \  Q  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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5 L3 {3 T) v* C9 B# ]! |) @  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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- w; |: W* ]+ V, y; \0 p  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc2 T- e  v1 n4 U" N2 _5 s$ U+ \: D+ v
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?- q* f# t/ h( Y1 ?* r6 ]* \
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什% G$ v& b+ L7 F

" f( ?2 S9 C- o4 N$ P5 Z0 u( Q  么忙?!0 r5 v6 q0 @3 L2 q
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.( q3 U$ t9 U- U( W* l6 C  I- Y

+ j5 c, H& v3 ~$ m+ L  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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