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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a. [( }7 ]: d0 X" d
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.7 {# S7 d" o5 Y$ V( Z5 {- U# w

6 G- F' ]  A5 a2 |8 |3 S  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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; \$ S' I2 u( K' x; t" M  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a4 L$ Y0 S% w9 |! j1 _- F3 M
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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3 ~0 i1 j/ I9 p/ k: D+ }  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!! N* _4 l) _5 I" z5 B+ j) Y8 e) o
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.  {  W" K# t/ N' Q# i

/ W+ h, f, N  J0 t2 D8 \  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你( a, P. @" o4 @2 p& `- }9 R9 U# _
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.2 w! y( W% F5 u* k. U/ g

$ N" P4 F8 k2 \1 i; L1 b  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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( q- v& U& }' G1 R% Y1 V+ F' L  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。' F4 r' ~% b" S* F% I2 u
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.9 g" O- c6 s6 S, o  N
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!- c) b2 _# x0 g% D: F- k! M- l

2 Q. m2 Y. P% R  z9 @, v" F* W  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。. X$ c6 c/ ]. M1 I) R2 y

  d3 D/ m6 ]9 v' Y5 A8 u7 U  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.+ G6 {- w7 w# v$ V  F( _
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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1 x; E. g  x% M4 L  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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/ W- \2 Q# ^* T9 V/ B/ Z% W  better have a good hand.1 B# R8 o# u* o

: w) i. Y1 T$ y! J  |8 o+ F1 B0 w2 ?  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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" d( G' D2 @- {8 v0 G: S9 L) |  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.0 _' Y+ B+ K/ g0 |0 f

% ^  B* e  W/ L! ~$ S  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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4 H( ^' I* T8 _) k# k! K  还是很有喜感。
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* @8 n! t) b  S9 {4 I* n  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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8 ?5 ?/ \* h1 n0 y2 w2 x# c  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏" f! a( T. x, ?3 T3 U8 U
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  了!!
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5 \  I. @1 D2 C$ p' n  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.3 r0 g$ }9 H8 g6 `# n7 p! V
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。6 Z  {/ X4 B2 l" M9 i

# i2 m6 ~+ c2 t  d  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship4 b4 \4 E# j& W) v3 S0 A0 w
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) r  p4 e' D" ]5 o0 Z! h4 x! U# ]  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!1 a" J0 o  t( y3 g% `. T4 S3 ~

8 ~& |' W! n/ y+ M  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。* u4 v7 I! u7 {
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.: ?. s8 s6 H* y5 ]' ]
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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5 Z3 h: ^6 c5 N* r9 f" q/ ~. K  n, make him a sandwich.
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, W0 M8 k8 R7 t& ^  U! w  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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; u' e3 Z& |9 c+ H: Y  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt. d3 P8 P1 A1 d. L% h7 ^) R
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  il you hear them speak.; u% v. Y% [# `; L; X9 c0 }7 N6 ]6 P
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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* W( M8 }! t0 H. Y/ o% o# S  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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) \, E" c. A9 u5 |9 H9 q  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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1 f4 e2 x: G  s1 L  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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# O( O- m- Q& y  C; {4 R  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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3 {# |- u7 D/ }$ i: M  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  s.6 w7 [9 O( `! O
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.& x" H5 \8 B/ }5 Z# l* `" f2 C1 g1 O6 Q
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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9 B* N/ O5 W1 I; P! v0 K  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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# J% G# y; _. F& A% ?  tell you why it isn't.
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?) A$ D  x5 s+ I& h& \) e1 A

' g7 W) Z4 i/ F' B. o+ g/ F( u& k* ]! g  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!  {6 l: a# i  h/ }1 B0 o/ x

" u9 L$ w0 z( v  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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" u: n  ~& g- s4 r  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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  s it?# C) ?1 w! F9 X& y5 _
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?# M4 M+ G1 M% i7 M1 B7 V( P
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr% E* V6 t) K- g/ A: |* y

1 c  w/ |* w/ b& ^, ^  uit salad.
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; d5 X6 ]/ ^5 K/ e- [% G  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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) |4 J" p0 _, Q# g  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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0 @2 R( g; f; X3 m8 w2 R, z: u  篮子。( _+ ^0 W$ ~, P! |9 E# M- N

. W1 ~+ V% u" C( N  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别": `/ o: D" I' G2 ]2 U* X
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.6 l$ _. @2 k0 _, t

9 c5 z5 T! Q; k* v" ~  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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! _" Q1 y: p0 e9 d: V3 G, T- l  same night., L9 Y2 M) W2 H8 S
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。  b' I: w; |  e, u$ v! C$ r& |
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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2 m% h. o: j6 \' F  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops, ~! v: C+ v0 G$ D. E9 F0 J
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..$ c+ L8 U9 ]/ D

) _% y) W7 ]5 ]( K  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…  \8 `/ I* o* |
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.9 Y9 B2 r8 T% N9 \
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。2 V$ v! ^9 c% _& J+ J
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv8 l& P2 ~( x4 x# w( X
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the. W3 k$ d1 n* C( Y% s" i& }
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  m fish?/ ~1 O& b, X5 i) l# F: f! S
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan) Q9 P3 x& P6 E
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”( {3 C8 `; p2 s! d

; }7 \5 A, {, F" c3 h8 o8 V! Q) G  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk, f0 z6 I" L- v6 y

& G' a8 R: ]$ _  a* c+ p  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-6 ?  s$ @" K, g7 E

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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?1 ]; D1 Z( i5 C7 c& f7 k* J/ Z

, F1 W5 E! d) G! T8 k% q  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al9 Q4 [3 Z6 o  W3 z( M: |9 h4 k
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  l doubt.
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8 p2 q, d4 W2 P6 x: [1 E* a  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。7 T* q( V4 F; I; _+ [& b1 Y" f

8 a+ j' R0 K' g+ }. t( ?  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.
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' ]+ h# H& j: F' H. B: U* }  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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) d) x& x$ L* l, P' j( a0 Z8 o  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.# H+ Y) j' {: a9 |. g8 S" v3 c

9 t  i$ J/ K: x, ^  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。) a  J5 d4 Q$ k0 Q8 ^# O

$ [2 e1 ^' T7 C! H2 N  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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: @0 D. t: c* C5 D% N  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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1 V. i! p- m" T* e! f  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!3 I3 Z' _0 }6 `  j' b% H

+ V  X- }+ \) E& ~( d5 |  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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; |8 q+ Q  H+ _4 H' v  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  \& j, O8 L0 y2 p! t  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.9 c$ l3 ^2 D! L0 V, v! [- Z

3 u6 K& X3 d( h: R  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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* o; U! b4 H: U  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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+ N# E9 o: b" h, O5 n  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"0 F: v7 R' T' K: Z

9 z0 P9 ^. u6 I2 \' y9 L& B1 Q+ d7 a" t  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with( a5 h7 w( q" ^' v6 H) g

: ~" Q* j2 [( j: s" o  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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( M: @- i" L) A/ _9 _0 @  _. _  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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* f9 D8 ~4 u. u* ^9 U  。
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' a1 }" v3 M3 y  h' I- ]* |' J, c3 ]  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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. H5 v- K" @  S& m( u5 j  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  d; `' k  v! w( \1 r  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.
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9 |3 G7 n* j' z( z; {0 P* v( s% }( ?  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!: b, n1 l2 f6 W- z  W* k9 Q9 k
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  ch.4 f$ \, n' H; ?2 y- I$ }- M

; y! O$ q3 m* X# ^  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  \( n' v9 ?' f/ c' Y& N, x  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。* t  O+ z9 _$ O- U
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.1 N9 ?0 b9 U. s  R7 i1 S3 x

4 p3 z! @' g  t6 T  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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: {" I& k3 r' v- D% B( T% \  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨, P% _& F9 j: |- d& H4 z
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  叫声是一样滴。
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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; Y$ C" j7 Z3 N# j: c, K# k  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。- M/ }9 R& R- e. @+ U

3 R- q- d+ s4 y. @2 W. l# a+ M6 k  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.  `: c; e& S8 c! y2 F
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!5 d3 g& ^7 h+ @6 j) @  e
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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