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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a- U! O: @$ y% g5 S8 H& G

1 A9 m0 v: f- Z  bike and asked for forgiveness.8 w+ C8 x. f  V6 r3 s
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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9 x( M! I5 Y! m  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一6 P" B! C" H$ e9 i: B

: X1 e. ^, r9 F" m& a  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you: D4 }; Y" V! }6 S# j; `

( G+ _9 L( S4 d+ M4 X0 n  with experience.# j7 |! e) ]. S/ R$ E+ B# y0 f
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.& u- D" y* N: S, t3 I7 @0 \

5 k' O% n# j' R* j% {! I6 I* ~  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。4 d; M7 V/ R' U( `1 {9 a" C
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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6 W+ f. {9 Z4 R  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.: C  ^5 w+ V* k% d/ c3 U6 Z; Z
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。$ K6 r1 k6 ~! u2 ?& V

3 m2 r5 j4 n4 I# m; F  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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- z2 n5 f5 P' a6 q5 S  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快." \! _9 |+ `# E- h: U+ h# c1 i
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd! z" G; g5 C# x6 e
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  better have a good hand.$ {  p( f, l% B' W2 \" X# Z" R  _
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。5 R# u9 N+ p! U, }3 d8 k

+ i  j/ V8 h0 j3 N* x  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca& A4 T; q4 N- `* i, t9 z) h

: `1 Q  P( ?+ d+ x1 r  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.3 B: N6 o( H5 W) W/ d6 p
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去  @! \. p& }/ F: L
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  还是很有喜感。/ R. u" }/ O, }/ Z& }" }% Y
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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6 e( @& \  p% y$ C/ M$ p  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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: k0 v. k# L4 x8 L  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.+ y# M) S. D9 L' d
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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8 }. ]1 R7 [3 w0 C; ?  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship: @) @( v+ y: n! p3 F9 C+ |0 P: w

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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!9 X" \! O# ^* G* a. n+ D
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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1 I7 h6 z3 O; E9 P2 O# R/ w  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.8 G9 b) h! i) `% Z3 \

2 c# n& P; a) v  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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( \" i+ |9 `! |8 l+ f  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio1 G% b& b  X' y% c! g1 x
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  n, make him a sandwich.4 {8 O  x% o$ H* [8 P8 l
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!7 r$ z' j; I& n9 [

( [( w2 s+ C$ Y/ E  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt/ _: w) n; F/ D5 `
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  il you hear them speak.
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  @5 m8 G* Z! H- U8 E  j6 B  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...  [4 {4 {3 Z" u5 {# q

8 [9 l; ^6 O4 B' @. ~( u. h  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.8 r# w2 C6 P" {! z1 w% h7 a4 A

% }) G% S) l; X  n9 w' z  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。; y# j) }" j" F9 K/ h0 f  d' k

% o/ o8 O6 U6 U  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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4 S6 _1 n( R9 \( S2 }1 V9 t9 A  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment; F! R( q& ^  i" M7 s5 I1 X8 e3 {
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! p; i; v: l% E" v7 t% g# G$ r  Y% x  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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9 R  [& j! G  S  ^  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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, w0 a5 Y9 p' G; D7 i/ N  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...1 q/ F0 K/ a* h5 H* M9 Y" I/ }+ K( [

: P" ~; O2 W* \  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to, o: ]7 d) M8 E, {7 s+ ]" Q

% P! N- P4 r2 l% x1 |  tell you why it isn't.1 S- m# M5 I3 z1 M+ k" w8 k( z2 K
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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$ H3 h$ j, S9 M7 |  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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5 [5 s) E5 ]" G  box to start a campfire?0 ^# ~& X3 u0 p! W8 e

+ O% h* ^; L1 }4 [" n  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!" V) r4 N2 R, s# B8 I
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科; ]! q, N( E# O1 X, V7 {8 i
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy1 [' p5 {1 e! t* @5 q" J

; y! \* [4 _1 n/ N! b  s it?
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/ C6 ]  K4 p5 }1 P4 I  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?8 M) u' I) f; g4 y% _0 o

6 D- s/ @, D. j* p+ z5 O2 X  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个9 X0 J9 z" B& E$ Z# {% e% u
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  篮子。
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"$ T- k5 ~) ]7 }( b% j2 r; ~1 R
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.. I3 ~: e- K2 n( [3 h' |' C' f  R
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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; [, ?, e: L$ O$ O; Y  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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% w' n# s4 h3 b  P  same night.1 J% @9 g- n5 ?$ ]

; @8 i" n% }2 |, l% I2 E" {  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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" j6 H- ~+ _) I& G' ]6 E  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。1 c6 A2 g0 B* l* g3 j0 h

( ~% X3 k* |0 g, c) |  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops5 R- Y* |3 a. u$ ]4 b+ B
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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& j; ?2 t) h# Y2 t3 T( l  D* ?6 l# o# {  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…* S9 L, v3 o8 t' B; v$ M$ C

9 N5 W, c: P0 a7 s0 i% I5 I" ^8 Z  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.3 A9 l  ~' E3 g0 A
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  P! c8 {$ k- ]! ~! s  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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7 N& `7 f8 ^8 h/ |4 W8 ]9 R. O$ n  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃- O3 a9 `/ A1 ]% C1 K- g

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1 u6 l  w' B  X6 r: k! b0 z7 T  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin! c# F  V* g7 Z; A

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- A1 l, J- g9 W4 w+ k% V- k" }( q5 N! a  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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" g' g4 C: g: }  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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( E- a5 P# g1 p3 _  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"
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( F( U9 C% U( j/ ]7 p! M  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”0 O; l- k  E8 _. @* l
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk  u' k# `8 x7 @6 ~: _
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-, m1 B( d0 N: L, _% O$ U/ i+ _
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  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。5 l! s0 B+ H/ s* I* C, p" U
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu5 g$ d- p( [: j% z% C* e3 R

5 g' E! a3 N4 [1 ?5 O+ o6 G  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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+ Y6 ~/ G6 i$ P, Z/ o+ a9 l0 a  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al0 f/ b* q/ M0 i" x
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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' z, ^) T7 I5 D3 i; N) ?) Y  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释! v+ D% O3 K4 T: G1 e' a7 j
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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/ k: W. W- X$ h: u: A  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.
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2 C7 n1 h, F" V' t  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方8 e4 o$ d- e7 P& K! q# P8 ~
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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# p! _- x8 Y0 _7 `% m* s. b  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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; d8 s6 p# h7 E/ t  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!$ M3 J( S3 @, Z" V- d, d4 C
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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% N4 p2 `* a) [8 ^% \; T  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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5 l: _7 y" I$ B" @* V( ~2 A  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”1 q, w* L- K2 m  ?, N

7 D$ @* v! h+ z2 A9 I. P6 w  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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3 a- C' z/ ]' o% r2 o4 C9 M& K  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.  W& X$ l* C4 s% M* v' _/ H" n

$ P7 E! V- s  O( `! W4 U  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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9 d3 l1 j& q% U) U. x. w) c" Z  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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8 E$ g) k5 o/ b! j+ B  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with  n0 v* X+ }) S: v1 B0 s

/ ?, j; m4 G* ]  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy., p: z, A9 K: T7 a' G3 j

" `5 V: L1 Z0 j  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等  L$ W0 |" _, R" D8 O/ p! r4 j
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  。
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8 u2 G2 [+ ?: g; {5 h: ]& i5 U  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.- N- b' i; P, R3 }
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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. `7 [  z6 J7 f# [# P; d  rls live.
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: ^( b3 i: v; [  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!/ M( M3 r; H) w+ i% o1 q

& u5 S- d. ~" c7 ?* R  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear% O# S1 t4 M9 e( y
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7 d# p; i; j5 b* b5 {  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。) _+ ~4 s8 \) k

8 \7 J, q- [2 V* }  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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6 d( u5 X% Q8 O; d* d  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
# W3 A, I* @+ x) n/ ^% i) y
$ _6 @9 j! |2 k% Z6 a" }  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
( W1 `4 C# u+ R+ [. F) Y0 r) b$ Z" ]+ ]- b9 L- m  n
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。. U' O8 c' P2 a! ]! @" C
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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% b/ H/ V6 B. ]: {  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.; i: G: s! l6 z+ K: }
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!% A# M% W, k9 O1 A4 a$ W! `' j! q

, ]( p5 d( J/ X2 L" Q% w( ^  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc2 V/ v0 J7 ]1 K4 d% h

, E& K" s0 c  |4 [. _% l2 g  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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% m# @& J8 F5 |5 ?# l; u1 f  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什# b* R; t6 _+ F* r, v

6 Y9 l% @/ ]( q- Y  么忙?!
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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