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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a' r4 j6 T' H$ Q9 W& n; W6 ~! S

' Z& P8 L9 F+ r: ]0 ^6 W$ v9 g! ]  bike and asked for forgiveness.6 o" `" R# b& {( M4 b: S# W
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一+ s8 d/ O: E, n7 g( n$ U7 u
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。# w2 y- n0 B5 h2 c

( l: L2 C' K# e" T  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a+ V# ^$ V) ]1 }0 {" G
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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8 d6 u( z( |& O  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一! W  t' o$ v# y) D. I7 o' x
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  样死法啊!1 X: P; |' m3 _* h! B- S' P$ u
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
6 Q( f  V+ y& p0 |. @
+ k- _  E4 A/ j; p1 X0 Z  with experience.) R0 v8 V9 O) \1 e% r

9 u2 a  y0 ]$ O  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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9 A: y% u/ G' T  l" x& P# j; r  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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6 N) @& Z# M: P  V% ^1 I  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.0 u( R6 Z  W+ M7 j. Q. i" X1 e0 g

& F2 Y5 D, a1 c1 Y) G  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!  s4 U0 D2 T: _
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。" {8 X8 N3 Z+ G) g8 C& x

1 Q' h5 Q" h% Y& y) X  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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. Y5 B) x9 M) ]& [  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
1 {* @1 y0 |3 O  z5 R, G5 ^9 d+ u0 W+ Y/ p3 ^0 f( i' \, [
  better have a good hand.$ ?# z0 H$ q& I: l; z! _2 y
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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5 x8 Y. K- a! s7 t  X/ K- {( Z9 J  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca8 _" U8 P! B) J" x6 ^

: K3 n8 @4 h) H6 b% r8 h/ J0 g  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.6 ^- P  O. J4 e( d7 L

2 H  c. h6 G! s* O  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去- g* t; W0 U% Z5 [* G
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  还是很有喜感。& {" S5 `; [# k  p! g/ t0 H* c

. b& a# L) f1 w  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan9 Y: g, D  k8 i" t+ }9 a3 X4 z" {4 Z
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.6 @0 N+ s+ ~# D* y+ z; ^8 S
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏) P+ d, p2 w; G& n8 |8 g/ i

' U/ A5 r5 N: H! g. t( B/ {. w  B  了!!
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1 n" b8 W, a& X6 l) X. A  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.( L- b: d. M! U# D# {

! ^; F: _8 a9 E3 k6 H) U5 f  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship0 y6 B$ |! U1 a! j
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  .
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/ }9 b+ d; O4 \* o! G3 z  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!4 z" U; L) v0 s2 E9 R! Z

) A3 N0 k" Q; N- Q! M1 ], o  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.3 u6 g+ l( R& U$ z0 _

$ O" \8 Z% t' U2 V6 ?  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。! i! ?# V7 ]# L) h* c
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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- ]+ t, |( [# S) w1 t" X7 J* J  n, make him a sandwich., q  G  k9 r: \; H. d. y& N
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!) C* U- h9 K  G' z* `
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt4 S0 H# M& \) V( x2 J+ x
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  il you hear them speak.
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& Q/ k+ X( b' y- h5 D  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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! H+ X) B2 x3 w, n4 f  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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9 Z$ J3 A$ \- a4 u$ ?$ y! a- A1 ~  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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9 \, ?, }9 V4 {' u3 B2 V  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...! U6 m% m( S" k

( E# V- _) r6 y+ W" T  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to- \$ E/ a/ z& Q$ {' @
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  tell you why it isn't.$ A, W, J  B/ R( R: g# _' [' _
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。- y$ C8 {: u+ `" ?$ J
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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! {6 z5 Z; U  D% F2 j+ Q; _0 H  box to start a campfire?6 a! N0 n, R  b5 `' K3 O' B

7 O% ]3 u; w9 O3 Y4 g  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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- z+ N, S/ `4 T9 I2 _, C  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?; h! a& O, J+ T
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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; g& C# l! q7 U& T3 U" T  uit salad.
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$ L1 |0 U( n; O' Z, P4 x% P  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。, a: L$ j2 Q" C( q
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。
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8 z4 n: V1 h/ i1 g* ~2 K  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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" X( ], _& ^1 d* Y. K# ^  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.* ]: P3 y5 b: B4 k1 y7 K
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!3 z/ E6 d7 x! j2 T

! {/ M1 q; u8 l4 n! L  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the* U- j! U- U, k( L* g# E
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  same night.9 U( R% \% I$ P

, h9 Z0 |8 o; H  n+ u4 S  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。6 z' R. D! H6 o9 q: J

9 n2 @- m: i3 U  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian* _1 s% T$ u' p9 ~! G! I/ {
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。- L+ @  m) E( Z1 q5 o. A# X
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops$ J7 h$ o& P% Z( X0 J/ H
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  . On my desk, I have a work station../ D, w2 H$ e6 ~

+ l$ o0 m1 S- B6 U; J0 E  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.! g" O8 V$ m8 E

5 [( t$ w+ b9 j* s6 z  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv0 G. f" y8 Z5 g0 Z8 Q+ p

0 G0 J% V# N1 C2 u: c8 A7 g  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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; b" h6 j5 q6 w  m fish?9 r8 j% ?! K, e: i* G6 Q1 C

# s* G5 H8 W  u2 g: |8 R- `  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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- R5 C* r% O) z$ B! Y* C  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  g.
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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" p. _) l: A4 l8 k" x  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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# d0 K! v2 K0 J# j8 x" j  o  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan8 t" V" g8 G2 ?1 G) u+ [  M

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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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# k8 G. H( K  q4 v9 b" f8 c$ ?  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk: J- {$ U: ]  P! v0 r  Z
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.3 D9 ?" @. H! E8 y: w5 h: H
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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; ]0 E' r, D# v  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu0 F# R! |* H( a- d) I* G3 B; \
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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  l doubt.7 l9 h$ m- E' l7 E0 f

: T; s) Y8 ]( z- x6 e) q4 W  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。4 D/ k7 X1 i% U, n4 U
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释. F- F& P% q  X2 Q5 `( A% _9 r
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'" F' D# r5 c7 I6 w* l  I( _

4 w. D3 s* R  `3 g  t need it.! X# x2 y9 s" r* A2 d; O6 N
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方* O0 a7 Z1 m2 A! Y6 U: l1 _
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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. }' l. N/ h* y& ]* ]7 ?* Q  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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! n9 _- w* [( y# S% Q# ]- z8 s( o  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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) E. m, E; x4 V9 q7 P: ]6 |  t+ w  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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" G+ |1 P* x# @4 {  C' I  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.9 j$ M0 |. ^0 Z5 Z

! K! {) d) Y4 C- X- U  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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; \2 g- F6 c# o* n: ~' ]  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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+ r7 H5 T& |6 {5 H# W1 T2 a+ c  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.4 e$ x" |0 P1 A4 q9 ?7 H7 r8 A* A

! R3 G1 P; M. s- t' o- c  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装, g3 q( X/ `; M+ n# r) K% @& M8 T& f

1 d. S7 ]: \% ^0 x' ?  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with- Q( N1 w5 q0 U7 ?$ r: I; P
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.% z% m" Z6 z1 G7 I$ z' P
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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# x* @6 G0 c( y8 M& {, |9 ?8 U4 ^  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.7 W4 f8 o! u8 w& I) T; u& p
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi$ R/ z7 P7 }( D: \7 p* G2 M, B
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  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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3 P" M# t* b) e  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。# |2 z6 Q  s7 T4 }' m7 g

. f/ v7 ]; ~' C) L5 p/ w4 X  n' Z* g  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.- D) Z" l6 `+ Q) R2 R5 F

# u- o; D1 h  w3 J1 o$ z1 q; l  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.1 I- E7 C8 `3 H, G

4 e4 b) r. D' U& c% g  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨# D/ O. \0 f8 A2 L

  v2 |4 p) r& R2 b. ^  叫声是一样滴。* D4 f  h6 {1 l* v! a' Y3 C" _

2 R: U, g: C2 w0 i  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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8 X. a# `$ X$ o: [- [  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you., a& U- a) E% s) X, q- v3 l1 x
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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) ~' S7 P2 D' I. N& n- d; F  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc" s% o; r& [- ^9 c9 c
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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& z/ t3 k5 C+ ]! W6 @; [# w$ I  么忙?!6 X. o8 `; P; F# r

6 O2 u/ t4 G9 W% E" d  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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