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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a( m7 I' Z# d# Z7 v$ c5 V

0 {4 [& J- r6 X1 j9 G; [5 I2 u  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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5 K! N6 Q/ M# x. e1 ?. c  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一5 @* A) ]4 J7 X5 S# s$ w

% t6 A( V# U" N+ Q, S; Z" c  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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( k# c8 K& w' z) {5 J; B  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.  v  F0 x- t4 L+ Z

. u7 |9 F& E8 g  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!$ M# f: W4 K( D- {

3 Z+ D  r7 B/ N- c  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.: C+ R; ^& a3 y
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.. d: D+ P7 b1 `0 v

# U; Z! v5 R3 K/ O# k' l% I  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。% S+ M3 T# w* a! \
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。4 T& b4 V: c/ ?6 V6 ^; ]
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.$ n( H% S; W, y0 |0 C% r, W
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!& j! W: ?4 |4 Y7 _5 S# n# }1 p" M
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。1 C6 V7 k1 S1 }4 i

0 c$ i8 y  J& o# H" X$ @% R# q  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.& [. D4 s1 B9 u8 s0 d& l

# G- D2 S6 V( X  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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! O( P+ }6 A; x9 L& {  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd! ]# D% t$ Y  {+ l! j8 _7 ?
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  better have a good hand.
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! I# E6 q& \: Q- M* d+ p9 U4 l1 q- ^  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。  N8 b& F0 _/ Y" N0 P
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca" z' e& P, e! l0 H
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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. d5 q+ {+ V% Q) x  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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  还是很有喜感。1 i$ f- M. N+ G0 R7 M

' X. [' W# A) O) z# O# U7 r  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan7 v  g; B, S+ [: F2 N3 o" f

2 _- V' t' f0 c2 b2 i  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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5 H7 n& i' K8 \7 |2 N# s7 _/ |; v  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏2 r9 V- W4 @% G2 b
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  了!!2 j4 W8 M& ?' y
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。, V+ m& \3 P. W  s; @
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship/ R7 F0 T0 |$ d& W8 ~9 Y  c, G

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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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$ m3 u- e1 ]# n+ U- z$ V/ c" k) E# _  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。! u8 b1 w8 L  e4 C: n5 }

  I2 s1 V2 n. ~& f: u. e' Z$ ^6 K  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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- X- g- o9 A  P  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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- w! o" `2 y# F1 E% M" d( J( v& h  n, make him a sandwich./ r' s4 R! m' [! G3 j- v7 j8 R: d

/ k5 M5 V/ s; P# c  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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5 Q9 R9 m, f" h% Y  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt: e2 K# j0 o) o% N1 t

1 A& w/ j3 b( }6 Y0 L3 j% }0 {( J  il you hear them speak.3 O: y9 K, c* G$ T9 {! H1 P1 {

: h3 Y, V$ }* \- _0 t" r8 u7 V  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...1 ]! e3 D/ B4 T3 s+ b0 k

0 C9 Z( r$ k1 a  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.  n0 Y7 F9 U; |- {

; C  _& F! K- P& p( b& B, s. q8 _  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。/ y% |2 D' y/ j

: n/ D, s& y4 M  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.$ Y9 P5 b3 N' y; D

# c1 w2 z  B5 i# }  e- Y. K! b5 l  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。* o6 O) \9 E9 ~/ v( ?  s

4 G( T/ w; d3 M2 m0 H# l( p+ W3 a  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""% u2 z0 s$ C% f

+ E# @3 B  T& l  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...3 {0 @* A1 ~0 }" o+ p+ n3 t, s

; Q! Z4 [! |1 Z  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to' c- l) @6 p1 f' H

) l$ [. K9 y, o0 |  tell you why it isn't.
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。- d% E+ r& f* D; `) {( f

' t# d. V' i. C0 H  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole+ j4 g5 n: B- n2 v

. ]' Q0 O# k/ ]  D+ u8 O/ Y  box to start a campfire?3 b9 D* \# p9 d& |7 K0 B4 P

* q5 E  X( Q; ?8 L& B& F  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科/ x% @$ v+ T1 v& z; y
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?0 N. w- k0 g. c$ T7 }. L

. [4 }- Q2 u' ~/ U  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr" P. [! Z5 J; ?

% j8 D4 d* o8 T* q  uit salad.
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) p+ `% y1 ^; M% s  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。/ C+ S1 f& `& g+ i( F
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"' f( ^) K$ q& f- }! S, y- h; F7 Z" m

/ \7 X9 V, X3 \- K; g1 Y! |  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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: S+ \# {- g  A$ ^& _  T7 O7 h% \( K  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the4 Y( `3 Q% z3 q5 a" t
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  same night.
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- I1 ^% ?0 X! D6 p1 ^  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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+ t  ~6 ~7 L- w9 J% B7 [  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian! a- c) x+ I4 m

: X4 k# K% {; V" w" Q  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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5 m7 ^; l6 h  C/ G" k  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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- k) a* s2 j1 D5 a( ], C+ B  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…0 y! t( e; {% t) J& T
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.% o# H3 |9 j" ]' j$ ^
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。' W: ]! |6 h1 d
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the$ U0 P* r( [) l, j& I6 q6 {# y

2 L: [& ]7 M4 z. H8 a* K8 |4 f2 K  m fish?
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  j- t. E- {6 _  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin6 G+ f2 j/ p. x- g
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: [8 P( y9 G; }& w5 m# h5 |# y  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!/ s1 [" H) g# v! p3 y6 ^

, T0 w( g! k% W( f2 `2 ?% h9 \  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!" F9 ?% q7 W- a' g, f- i% l7 p
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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* I+ v+ f4 b" z+ P  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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. g7 V% g6 G1 E9 L# [  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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* L% T+ a9 G8 H  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。/ H4 [7 M3 R: J) S) C0 U

4 `' d1 S5 ]$ I* A  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu# ^. h$ _- d- z$ Q4 Q

0 [. v3 F0 `: e) I2 W3 }4 R4 z  t check when you say the paint is wet?' D6 c7 F& M, i+ t- H5 L3 p

+ r, n! j; r8 Z9 r  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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* Q7 d5 s- |2 Y8 M6 Q: d  l doubt.
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释0 z; s6 t0 q" f) Z" A

5 ?1 l9 L: `$ \2 ^! c+ f# T$ k  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。: @, D# y9 T  o+ O" l

! c) V% b0 Z! f: i$ U  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don') c/ Q) y* V& j9 Y/ G; q; d
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  t need it.% p6 i+ y. ^' V4 E

2 \$ `& }7 f8 ^7 r7 j  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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9 k% ]+ y# e! r6 j  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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- v4 i4 a/ F) V6 B% A  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。/ a/ F" i1 e1 B: k( ~+ y( U- B8 W

4 k( R% \8 y- _  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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/ p4 Q# ?$ l9 u1 c/ l  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!/ Y. k! f) y( v

" j; n" t; O( R% G: u3 `  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!- y+ g0 |0 q& q/ j! _) w: w
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫( [8 T0 @( }3 f% Y) X

- o9 }  V( m9 [0 Y/ O, c  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.7 E  q) M4 Z! y5 Q- J5 g
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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) O: j( C6 v/ e2 d  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装: U* [4 _  I# j, M$ a  ?4 B' ^

6 m) Q3 q/ [& k! V- }% ?# C  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.5 G( Q/ X, j7 |+ c' X

; j) ~5 l; k" ?  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with' {/ A: p& Z( V2 b, Y4 g
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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- h2 n4 G$ F4 b. w- N' }: V  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.# Y: ~) c' P; `4 ~4 C

/ ^# u; `' b9 H$ \+ f, l  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。/ a2 ]1 }. y2 g% R3 j
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!  D6 _# D( i9 o6 ~0 S

3 X1 q! K; b# _( W  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear, q7 K9 Y) ~3 Q' n0 u

  x$ o7 k1 x( @  ch.
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。6 ?' u# a/ h" z' c

3 G6 O7 u$ N, E3 W3 Q. U9 ?! F# h, E  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.+ V% X5 }& S. Q6 r1 o8 T0 m
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.2 c; f+ o( T3 G; s$ s/ S9 ^

. h: u' s1 M# y& V; J0 t  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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% x% G+ G9 T, I) s3 Y! t5 [9 A9 g  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.* ^* {, k4 e6 U9 d+ }2 e: g
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。- N4 s4 E0 i) I% r/ S; M

- J8 u: M; u+ O: ?7 l9 F" U  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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2 j* p( w! b  O  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!( ?+ p" A0 F! _0 {2 D) u* ^/ C
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?  `$ B7 W) Y; B6 d$ c) C

* v0 x/ s* Y5 ^% f. J, |  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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# Q5 e! J0 }% ]& t" Z8 t8 X% b3 p  么忙?!
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* U) U" \$ ~! G  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.. x' k- U+ _# B! M; Y+ E) u
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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