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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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4 F( y; w( H8 t- t  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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7 j/ _6 a4 z3 T* C4 F  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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2 ]8 J, S4 C9 Y6 |  辆然后求上帝宽恕。5 C- F. l) S' D3 |$ G
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!1 N) a8 I8 w  W+ x! {

+ E% e, |& ~% z5 e: g' U  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.
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2 o+ R$ z( y4 y& n3 Q  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你: M8 [9 Y, }9 y( P6 l% J; }+ ^* W
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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; P, L; }9 ?- X) v; o$ V  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。" b7 ]/ H  q: l! S0 F

' q2 z0 g( |" `3 C, E; t  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。. `' J( D, n4 r) M/ t

4 P4 _# ]& I8 K0 p" f  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。! [7 @$ V  o: U4 @& W( _
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  N6 |/ i, J/ ~3 n3 q7 k' R, }" r  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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) t0 P, D- o$ {# J  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.# D5 \1 c* T3 T: N  C

5 ?5 R0 ^3 d1 l: w  ?' A/ V9 K  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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  better have a good hand.# u0 f' _4 w/ |. U( G

0 S) X' s0 H, N/ ~9 f  q# R) F  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。  X2 Z# A) f8 W/ `7 N

) I$ |3 m8 \/ y3 f/ a  t2 A2 ]  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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$ l2 q" f6 C6 M, e4 S) Q6 v/ S  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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+ V& i2 _3 }* @, M  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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* f! w: j% A4 H) [0 Q  B1 f  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.8 o2 e* F8 E. H: V3 h4 {4 \
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.6 D1 K/ ?# {$ ?5 s3 K: i( l. b# Y
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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/ i/ S3 F, A: w* p3 H  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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( |  v& k0 R+ `# x/ ^+ W  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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8 _8 a3 \' y/ a3 n5 B  n, make him a sandwich.6 U, b# M. X2 {7 ~' @" x7 P

1 _# L2 D+ e5 B9 y& m/ B& z- }  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!% T/ K/ q$ x4 Z  B

( X, d! B! ]5 j4 R  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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% p4 C2 e% l6 E  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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4 e8 z1 T' L9 X  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.6 r3 e2 |+ H; S; [" J
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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2 H# J5 F/ n: D" v  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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6 s. N3 z. U5 ^) S/ \, _  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment# x) \6 k0 g# a. o0 {/ N

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- L% H4 _6 |" ^7 m0 t/ Q  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫"": c4 S0 G7 D; J3 l

; u/ w' e' \# }/ |& A  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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/ w2 L0 B0 h/ j  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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2 \3 h  S4 v; q3 q( c1 _  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to! X1 g3 B% T9 s# n- M
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  tell you why it isn't., H4 [5 j& H4 X

  q; k  ~3 l3 A8 Y, D3 P  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。% E8 R4 H$ U; I

4 b+ Y0 E0 z5 M* g1 q) J  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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- p3 J, ~9 @. O+ ^6 I2 h0 R: E& |  box to start a campfire?
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/ _. y- E9 B1 Z7 W: q. B3 F  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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1 r5 X  ~8 x4 U8 n9 U  M4 m  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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  s it?. `0 _$ c7 L* y! V

- c" {4 Z4 l: Z% M3 x) b/ N  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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# h) E  v6 f/ t  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr" P: M8 G% O! ^/ B& X0 d

: P' K( h' [$ z* j8 o* V  uit salad.
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0 j- P, S. b! |' g5 b6 P6 C  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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( b9 {6 Z7 S' [, ^- z+ }2 i  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个1 z8 k! q) a/ _  }
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  篮子。
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. R  C2 N1 H9 {7 ^  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"6 B5 n$ r4 b0 @0 d  ?) q% H/ H- u! Y
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.) J- D) m2 T# M. Q( Y/ {" s" F. B
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!% S) h* w1 x  M4 F
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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  same night.
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。# B' T0 x, o7 k6 ^# \, ]

/ i5 g6 ]+ v: y5 S0 W0 e  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian2 l. G; h- K4 r; t( Z& ^- d8 D
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。- O+ x4 S" s1 c: O# ~+ B, P% o/ e! c
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops' T( _# k' [9 a' Q5 R

3 N/ A$ q8 j4 s% \( i; d6 l  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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) r/ X) M( v  z4 Q7 l3 _3 {* }7 A  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv( m$ Z/ N0 G7 W, ~0 ?8 A0 O

. z* H, N, K  P8 z- a; P  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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; t" R) P) N4 G) z! b  m fish?' X/ @; l& Y7 G2 J* r. i1 Z+ b) w
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃3 V( G. _: C2 I' w

3 Z1 _% Z5 a( w" u% W0 |* |) X  了。/ Y$ K8 t$ X/ U$ k) K7 ]
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin3 r2 X( f  ]6 {3 u, G' t8 R
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!4 Z& z% o8 `1 j: U! u, m* h

$ u6 x* D, r0 i- @9 b/ d  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!% u) g$ @: R  |' V. I
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan4 [) t6 V8 ~# l8 ], a. O
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  ts?". c& N2 Q/ [/ p
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”# j& K/ h+ S; Z  F2 d, u: m" ^* x+ ^
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk/ Y4 ]% V0 t# O* `- f3 _6 w, M
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。0 W) v, ]7 P2 A4 V/ q
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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! C" t; a2 n9 R  ]3 m  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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* Q0 a7 @6 j2 u# h/ K' D( l3 v2 u  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al9 [- k, t; v: g2 y  N) x
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  l doubt.
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" k, u9 ~& e1 y  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。* q" |' i( G( O- w+ }3 ~  d2 R. ^' B

" G7 k6 z$ H4 y# e0 N. x  Y/ \  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。: r3 V8 c& f3 F- [4 s
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释/ y4 @9 z# ^( i3 T* d9 ^% l
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.5 Z/ {: g+ H% \' k5 |3 H0 C7 g0 \$ q4 c
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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. y. V8 C0 G( _0 \. P  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.9 F& h: s$ @( J* u9 D+ p
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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2 z- n* e! r0 n  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!. o3 ^. T% B  q1 q

; \* P$ x; N( |! v- M  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!) w6 I4 w! w! I# A) u' G+ j
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.; [# c1 u. |4 R  l% z, I; @

) E6 `1 k6 D! X4 M3 V9 F  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。% x  q5 H' R# \1 x8 l$ v2 m, B" o. b0 Z

9 C. o  {- B* d" U  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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# m$ v+ m- G6 s/ m  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.) ~# O4 H7 j, I7 A7 `
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  。
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.2 I4 A" d% W" @4 o% A& B
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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# H! O. y; m9 Z% V  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.# C4 j- u4 A+ K2 N1 d4 c

- a& ^/ {2 c0 a: [0 ^  |% W+ n0 b  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!# ?! n5 R/ f6 K9 f$ q: r5 j; j

9 g5 P! V6 W" Q' X" S  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  ch.4 R  c0 o' P* A- R( N$ `
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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: T3 N0 b' ?* x  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.' F& k# _7 }! ?" }/ a/ v# R
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.* z: ^/ _: r4 T" T5 ~/ J

6 K# f3 o' D; D8 A  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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0 g6 h7 P% A" ?: t2 L  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.8 x" ]" A' p1 R" a" |
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。4 _; O7 |; l2 s% P! p1 t3 D
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you., J6 }' E' m. }9 `2 p
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!/ |6 l+ z& c: W) @4 n
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?, {6 {1 E2 W5 K' @$ P
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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+ m6 S# ]/ K& a& u2 H! _. |6 O# p  么忙?!
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8 p2 k6 m' k9 W& F  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  L1 g; ]1 Q; Z. d- k  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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